During the holiday season, I have had serious issues with depression. When you see so many people with their plastic smiles, pretending they are so full of joy, because Santa’s coming, it doesn’t help. I just feel alone. Sometimes, I feel needy and have a void. Sometimes in that void, Santa Claus comes in the form of some kind of instant gratification. Why not have a drink–or seven?
Knowing that Christmas has become nothing more or less than business, I get angry. We are expected and even told that we should be in a giving spirit. While I try to do this, I really don’t feel like doing this anymore. It does not matter what should be given because everything remains the same.
If there is any joy in Christmas, it would about the children. I try to remember when I was a child. I remember the excitement of Santa Claus and opening presents. Perhaps, we all still have that inner child inside us. Could it be a matter of that inner child just hiding? Sometimes, being around children helps my own inner child, especially when I go to a Christmas party where children are present. Perhaps this is something I should try to arrange doing. I don’t know.
My inner child is hiding because I am too busy taking care of others. I am supposed to be an adult, to be responsible. Unfortunately, as such, my responsibilities involve buying gifts for clients or family members who in my mind feel they’re entitled. I think it is this entitlement that I associated with others, who already have plenty, that makes me angry and depressed.
I know I’m not along. There are many who feel or have felt alone during the holidays. When giving becomes a requirement rather than a choice, is it any wonder why I feel guilty? I feel guilty and a bit ashamed for not feeling like I’m in the giving spirit. The loneliness associated with that is a burden. What I am sure of is that the holiday season is rough for me, and I will be glad when it is over.
How do I get over this feeling of loneliness during the Christmas season? What do you do to get through the holidays? Is there someone in particular who helps you out?