My Addiction to Depression

I am free to admit that I am powerless over my addiction to depression.  What does that mean?  Does that mean that I have no control?  No, that is not what I mean.  In fact, my depression is all about control.  I think that depression is “addiction to passivity.”  I am wondering what others think about this.

Frankly, with either depression or addiction, I think that society does not get it.  The dynamics of addiction has a lot to do with control and who has it.  Unfortunately, the individual who is depressed or addicted does not have paid lobbyists in Washington DC.  I recognize that any individual is unique that they are impacted by many influences.  There is inherent complexity in each one of us.  At the same time, I think I can say that depression and addiction have many of the same characteristics.  I think I can also say that in the majority of cases of addiction, I stand on my conclusion that there is an element of depression or some other mood disorder that either contributes to the addiction or is causing the addiction in the first place.

The truth about depression is that there are no absolute truths.  There are no absolutes as to the cause and effect.  With either depression or addiction, we do not know whether there is a genetic link..  We do not know if there is something biochemical that causes either.  What we do not know is greatly more than what we do know.We are not sure whether either is caused by poor parenting, peer pressure, gateway drugs, or any other origination theory.  The thought process of simplicity is unnecessarily complicated.

What we do know is that there are more cases of defined addiction now than there ever has been.  This becomes the foremost question.  Another question is the enormous cost of addiction to society.  As does the individual, including myself, having an impact on themselves, the individual certainly has an impact on community.  Based on that premise, the community does have both positive and negative impact on the individual.  In saying this, the relationship between individual and community is interdependent.  Both rely on each other.

Because I am an addict, I have a complete fascination with addiction.  Some of that satisfaction maybe related to self destruction and shame.  I like living on the edges.  As I fulfilled in sharing and hearing stories of depression, the same about addition is the case.  As I do with depression, I know the subject matter of addiction.  As I am a professional in another industry that I truly enjoy, I respect the professionals in this industry.  While I am not a certified professional, I am professional with my own experiences.  Sometimes, I think that being a professional may be more of a hindrance in some cases.  For myself, I have come to a place where I am all right in expressing this.  I also surmise that addiction is a spiritual disease.  It is a place that has always been here.  Why it is so prevalent is the question.  

Control was noted before.  We live in a society of instant gratification.  The very prevalence of depression and addiction has to be related to that environment. I am a restless person.  It is always present.  I am also narcissitic.  Many writers are admittedly so.  Action needs more than writing.  In writing, I find myself feeling lonely.   I guess it is isolating. Restlessness and isolation seem to go hand in hand for me.

In one of Berryman’s books, it is noted that the strategy of writing the story, he alludes to the disarming of addiction.  I see addiction and truth as polarity.  Union of those polarities is accomplished by writing or conveying of the story.  When the story is written, it is not longer hidden.  Whether person chooses to write or not, what is written becomes immortal.  It is also about the process.  When it is no longer hidden, addiction and/or control quite possibly may be disarmed.  By writing the story, I think many would agree that the writer creates order from the internal or external chaos.  At the same time, it is very ironic and unfortunate that many writers do commit suicide.  Fortunately, I am not one of them.  In writing, I find strength.

Thank you for taking the time to read and comment.


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