I Want to Change —Where Do I Start

“You can change your own story, but it begins with you, the main character of your story.  You can transform yourself from a messenger of lies, fear, and destruction to a messenger of truth, love, and creation.  When you return to the truth, the way your express yourself in society is much better.  Your communication improves.  Your creation is stronger and more powerful.  In all directions, life as you know it changes for the better.”   Don Miguel Ruiz,

My experiences of depression and addiction are very similar and, in some cases, come together.  The common element may be my resistance.  Some of it passive and some of it active.  Even as I write, I encounter resistance.  Socrates said that a truly free person is free only to the level of his self-mastery.  To a stoic, perhaps, this makes sense; and it is why it is important to read stories and other people’s accounts.  Each story is validating.  Surely, as it is important to read, it is important to share my own story.  I am my story and that’s it.  It is by that method, by telling my story, perhaps, that recovery is possible.

My story is who I am.  It is my fucking party.  My story is my celebration about the messiness of my life–and I’m all about getting messy.  And where there is mess and chaos, there are solutions.  I may have been clean as a baby’s butt, but as I grew up, life took that cleanliness away.  Telling my story brings my life back around in a circle.  We are all our own leaders; I became and am still becoming a leader of my life.  Through telling my story, I am leaning forward, and taking risks — like a leader.  It may seem so simple, but the story is where the power of magic lies.  My story is a story of creativity and the mess associated with my silly need for logic and being playful.  I have realized that my story is authentic and inherently my own, and that by telling it I have started letting go of control and the fear associated with it.

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